The Unmarked Road

Life On The Other Side Of Mental Illness

Tag: having a baby

Why Having A Baby Is Not Always An Easy Decision

We all know this scene: a pregnant woman crying over an advert on TV or threatening murder because she has run out of her favourite pickle and jelly flavoured ice cream. Every media outlet we come across shows a scenario in which the pregnant woman behaves in a ‘crazy’ and unstable way due to the hormones raging through her body and we all laugh because it’s just a small snippet in a woman’s life where she can truly become unhinged and no one will say anything.

Everyone but me. Having gone through hormonal imbalances in the past that ended with me taking an overdose, I was terrified of being pregnant. If women with no history of anxiety and depression went ‘nuts’ during pregnancy, what hope was there for me?

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Swimming, Easter Hols and Pizza!

So today is the first day in two weeks I’m alone again. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend have been home for the Easter holidays and it’s been so wonderful having people in the house! Even them just being up in their room while I pottered about, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Really family like. I baked, we had conversations about all sorts and I just felt super content! I suppose this is what they call nesting? I am trying to be good and do lots of books research and writing but my days are starting to consist of baby forum addiction and daydreaming about our little one. That’s when I’m not eating or napping of course.

I even tried to get a job! Because, you know. Money. It’s not about just me anymore and some extra cash could have been handy but trying to get employment while pregnant, even temporary admin work, is just plain impossible. Husband now won’t let me apply for any more as I’m getting rather big and trundley (it’s a word), and he rather I not get stressed at some job when really all that matters is the health of our baby. I think now that we’ve bought most of the big expensive things (car seat, pram), and it hasn’t resulted in us being sucked into a black hole of poverty, we’ve chilled out a bit and actually, we’re doing ok.

Yay for boob dairy and Aldi nappies!

You may or may not also remember, that in order to keep as healthy and fit as possible I joined my local gym so I could go swimming. I have managed to go at least 3 times a week up until now, and am actually kind of proud! I’ve never found it easy to stick to exercise regimes, but I am still loving it and it’s so nice to feel weightless for a bit of my day.  Plus it really helps me get through those emotional rollercoasters. Love endorphins 😀

It’s a damn good job that I am doing some exercise as I still have not been able to go for a week without pizza!!! I assume hormones are the culprit (I remember going through similar food issues as a teenager when I got put on the pill) and I am just ravenous for stodgy carbs (but mainly pizza). I’m not too fussed. I’m still making sure to eat plenty of fruit and veg everyday and I don’t think this is really the time to be worrying about weight. If baby needs pizza to grow big and strong, who am I to say no?

Let’s just hope it doesn’t come out like this!

Because I might…you know. Eat it.


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