So far, as part of the Alcoholism and Drug Abuse piece, I have written about my experience with alcoholism, alcohol and cannabis. In this 4th and final part of this section, I take a look at some of the darkest times in my life. Put in black and white, it is staggering to see how easy it is to go down a road you never imagined you would go down. Maybe my naivety and unpreparedness for things like this out in the world, led me to be blindsided and less averse to being influenced so easily. Maybe I was just lost and unhappy. One thing I do know. This is the hardest article I’ve ever had to write.
Drug Abuse – ECSTASY And Other Drugs
In part 3 I told you about Lee*, the tall, dark, handsome, older guy I never thought would take an interest in an awkward 19-year-old loser. But he did, and in the summer of 2005, a year after we met, we started seeing each other. It was a short but incredibly intense 3 months long relationship. He moved me into his annex and spoke of engagement rings and our future. We had the kind of love affair you associate with Hollywood movies; big breakups, dramatic makeups. I was hooked on the sheer adrenaline and devastation that only young infatuation can bring. No one told me it could feel like this, so all-consuming. But his problem with cannabis was only the tip of the iceberg.
When he ended it, I thought someone had reached into my body and ripped out my heart. I didn’t know how I was going to carry on living! It was the first and only time my heart has been truly broken. The pain was so intense, I fantasised about jumping in front of cars. Not because I wanted to die, but because I just wanted to make it stop. Nothing mattered anymore.
I didn’t know that at some point, I would get over it.