Last night we went to our first NCT antenatal class. We literally had no idea what to expect and I have to say I was a little anxious about meeting loads of new people. But mainly I was excited as meeting new expectant parents was one of the main reasons we joined up!
While my natural curiosity and research nerdiness meant there was a very real chance of me doing a Monica and answering ALL the questions that our teacher would be asking, and even trying to take over the class, I genuinely felt there was information that really benefited us as first time parents. It was also nice to do something with Mr J and to have him more involved in pregnancy related matters. It was rather fun to watch the men try and figure out where the placenta was on the drawing of a pregnant women and have them bond over general new-dad syndrome.
And I soon got over the embarrassment of my husband shouting and pointing out that he knew which part the ‘breasts’ were, to which I responded;
“Very good dear, because if you didn’t, I can guarantee you we wouldn’t be in this situation now!”
Lying in a hospital bed with a drip attached to my arm, I looked down at the fresh cuts all over my limbs. I was 21, a final year law student with a bright future ahead of me, and yet here I was at the lowest point of my life having taken an overdose.
The year leading up this point had been a mishmash of extreme emotional lows to the point I was convinced I was suffering from a serious mental illness. An attempt on my life felt like the only way out of being continuously sucked in to a blackhole of hopelessness.
Years later I discovered that I wasn’t suffering with bipolar disorder or something even more serious such as schizophrenia, both illnesses that are apparently often miss-diagnosed. I had been suffering from premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD.
But what caused it and how sure are we that a lack of acceptance over hormonal imbalances in the medical profession can actually be linked to mental illnesses among women? And why had it suddenly taken such hold of me?
And would it reemerge with my pregnancy or could exercise be the key to my mental wellbeing?
So today is the first day in two weeks I’m alone again. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend have been home for the Easter holidays and it’s been so wonderful having people in the house! Even them just being up in their room while I pottered about, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Really family like. I baked, we had conversations about all sorts and I just felt super content! I suppose this is what they call nesting? I am trying to be good and do lots of books research and writing but my days are starting to consist of baby forum addiction and daydreaming about our little one. That’s when I’m not eating or napping of course.
I even tried to get a job! Because, you know. Money. It’s not about just me anymore and some extra cash could have been handy but trying to get employment while pregnant, even temporary admin work, is just plain impossible. Husband now won’t let me apply for any more as I’m getting rather big and trundley (it’s a word), and he rather I not get stressed at some job when really all that matters is the health of our baby. I think now that we’ve bought most of the big expensive things (car seat, pram), and it hasn’t resulted in us being sucked into a black hole of poverty, we’ve chilled out a bit and actually, we’re doing ok.
Yay for boob dairy and Aldi nappies!
You may or may not also remember, that in order to keep as healthy and fit as possible I joined my local gym so I could go swimming. I have managed to go at least 3 times a week up until now, and am actually kind of proud! I’ve never found it easy to stick to exercise regimes, but I am still loving it and it’s so nice to feel weightless for a bit of my day. Plus it really helps me get through those emotional rollercoasters. Love endorphins 😀
It’s a damn good job that I am doing some exercise as I still have not been able to go for a week without pizza!!! I assume hormones are the culprit (I remember going through similar food issues as a teenager when I got put on the pill) and I am just ravenous for stodgy carbs (but mainly pizza). I’m not too fussed. I’m still making sure to eat plenty of fruit and veg everyday and I don’t think this is really the time to be worrying about weight. If baby needs pizza to grow big and strong, who am I to say no?
Let’s just hope it doesn’t come out like this!
Because I might…you know. Eat it.
You may have presumed that through all my baby fever, I’ve completely forgotten about my site! Well I couldn’t blame you for that assumption. It has been pretty quiet on here, although if you follow my Facebook or Instagram pages you’ll have noticed a bit more activity. But fear not! I have not forgotten or abandoned The Unmarked Road! That’s the beauty of not having a set path; it can take you anywhere.
I wrote a few months ago about how pregnancy has completely shifted my perspective on life, and as someone who can only write from my own experiences and from what I am feeling, this was inevitably going to affect the direction my writing would take.
So while it may have seemed all quiet, I have been a busy little mummy-to-bee with regards to what I want to do with this blog. I don’t want to undo the work that’s gone into the site and I still want the mental health aspects to be present as they are an important part of my journey.
But generally I am so happy being a wife and soon to be mother – there is so much joy in my life – that I want this to be the prevalent theme within the site going forward!
So look out for a relaunch of The Unmarked Road! With new design, About Me page etc, but certainly with aspects of my journey of how I got to this point still being present, such as my depression and anxiety. Without these things, I wouldn’t be where I am now. And that is something I could never be ashamed about or feel regretful over.